OK, get this: my right eyeball, the one that tried to offload its retina four years ago? Now has a cataract. Can you believe that shit?!? It's like the Ford Pinto of eyeballs. I'm only 43 years old people!
I'm actually kinda relieved. It could have been more retinal problems, which are tricky and risky. Cataract surgery on the other hand is kind of a snap, I hear. Just drive up, roll down your window, bing bang boom, you're outta there. I was diagnosed by the surgeon who did my retina surgery—he seemed almost offended that I'd come to him with such a trivial matter.
Still, I don't like reminders of my non-youthfulness. Some jerk colleague objected to my use of the term chillax the other day, on the grounds of my age, or so he implied. I wanted to give him such a pinch.
Can I get a seeing-eye dog for this?
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