Letters to Songwriters

Dear Young M.C.,

Love you, love your tunes. What are you up to these days? If you get around to it, I think the world could use another Principal's Office. That tune is super funky.

Bust a Move is also an obvious classic, but I'm concerned about some its more unlikely scenarios. Perhaps you haven't spent much time as a single person (Why should you? You're Young M.C.!), but dating most often begins with getting someone's attention. They don't just "sit down next to you and start talkin'," at least not in this jerkwater burg.

Well, maybe sometimes they do, but it usually turns out that they are either unbalanced or only interested in monologue. In your song, though, gorgeous people are always accosting your protagonist. Like that woman at the movies: "She's dressed in yellow, she says 'Hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow'." Seriously? In a darkened movie theater? That seems a little weird.

And what about the girl on the beach who "runs up with somethin' to prove?" I mean, if eligible singles are just falling into this guy's lap, what does "bust a move" even mean? He doesn't have to do anything!! At least the bridesmaid thought he was winking. Aside from that accidental opening, your guy isn't bustin' any moves at all. Unless, I've completely misread the meaning of that phrase.

These concerns do not prevent me from digging your scene on my headphones as I bike to work. I just wanted to help you "keep it real."

Sincerely,

Sassmaster

The MB

Maria #9, now with more Bread:

VPL

OK, I may outing myself as poorly acclimated to the social niceties, but what is the damn problem with having panty lines? Of all the retarded things that women are supposed to worry about, this seems to me to be the most ridiculous.

I was watching one of those stupid countdown shows on VH1 or E! or someplace where fashion-magazine editors go to spew sound bites. They were counting down the top 25 fashion faux pas. Visible panty lines were number 1!! Worse than camel toe or orange fake tans or daisy dukes or anything else they could come up with. Honestly, I just don't get it.

My main problem with panty line kerfuffle is this: How the hell do you avoid them? I mean aside from wearing winter weight clothes all the time. Is there some secret that was not passed on to me? I grew up in a house full of boys, and my mother had a lot on her mind. Did she forget to tell me this one? 'Cause the main remedy I hear is "wear a thong" and I'm here to tell you: That AIN'T gonna happen. I wear the uncomfortable high heels and the poke-y bra and the binding formal wear, but I will NOT subject myself to an all-day wedgie just so others don't have to be horrified by the evidence that I have underwear on. (Wouldn't they be more taken aback by the opposite possibility?) Also, I can tell you from first-hand observation (what! I was walking up the stairs behind her!) that thongs can also give you a panty line.

Meanwhile, no underwear I've ever worn, no matter what the maker's claim, is capable of not giving you that little ridge. Panty lines may be the result of the way the pants or skirt fits, but it's hard enough just to find ones that don't make me look misshapen. Having to pay attention to panty lines would throw that delicate equation completely OFF.

There's always the possiblity that it's my butt that is designed poorly and causing perfectly made underwear to function improperly. But that's even more reason for me to blatantly flout this fashion law. Deal with my panty lines or stop looking at my ass!

P.S. If any of you have a real solution to this problem, I'm willing to hear it.

That's What I Say

Suspiciously Pleased is immortalizing the mottos of her friends here. I've made a small contribution.

Dude, I KNOW

I can feel you all out there, waiting for a new post. You really shouldn't rely on me in this way. I'm not very dependable, when it comes to my blog. I wish I were. Don't judge me.

S.D. Redux: Wedding Bugaloo

This dress probably looked better earlier in the day, but this is when I got around to my photo opportunity.



It was probably after that George Strait song, when everybody crowded the dance floor and sang along:

They call me the fireman
That's my name
Makin' my rounds all over town
Puttin' out old flames

I love that song! It was also after I danced with the groom to Johnny Cash's "Big River." Awesome. Here's the big G with niece Bridget. She was following the bride around as though she was Barbie come to life. So cute!



She is a lovely bride. Maybe Bridget's onto something.



Farm equipment was called into play to haul the wedding party around town.




At the dance, Jerry and Tony here offered testimonials advocating a cooking device called the Big Green Egg and explained the best way to capture a snapping turtle without getting bit. I love those guys!





Brothers danced with their wives: Aww.



Cool skirt action, Sue.



Lib was wearing her son's shoes 'cause they were more comfortable. How is he that big already!?



Those boys are dancin' fools. There were also touching speeches, standing around the parking lot drinking beer, a great band, good stories, and catching up with folks. All in all, the quintessential Howard experience.

Crevasse

Maria #8: