Maria #9, now with more Bread:
Protest and Hyperbole
Saturday, June 30, 2007
VPL
OK, I may outing myself as poorly acclimated to the social niceties, but what is the damn problem with having panty lines? Of all the retarded things that women are supposed to worry about, this seems to me to be the most ridiculous.
I was watching one of those stupid countdown shows on VH1 or E! or someplace where fashion-magazine editors go to spew sound bites. They were counting down the top 25 fashion faux pas. Visible panty lines were number 1!! Worse than camel toe or orange fake tans or daisy dukes or anything else they could come up with. Honestly, I just don't get it.
My main problem with panty line kerfuffle is this: How the hell do you avoid them? I mean aside from wearing winter weight clothes all the time. Is there some secret that was not passed on to me? I grew up in a house full of boys, and my mother had a lot on her mind. Did she forget to tell me this one? 'Cause the main remedy I hear is "wear a thong" and I'm here to tell you: That AIN'T gonna happen. I wear the uncomfortable high heels and the poke-y bra and the binding formal wear, but I will NOT subject myself to an all-day wedgie just so others don't have to be horrified by the evidence that I have underwear on. (Wouldn't they be more taken aback by the opposite possibility?) Also, I can tell you from first-hand observation (what! I was walking up the stairs behind her!) that thongs can also give you a panty line.
Meanwhile, no underwear I've ever worn, no matter what the maker's claim, is capable of not giving you that little ridge. Panty lines may be the result of the way the pants or skirt fits, but it's hard enough just to find ones that don't make me look misshapen. Having to pay attention to panty lines would throw that delicate equation completely OFF.
There's always the possiblity that it's my butt that is designed poorly and causing perfectly made underwear to function improperly. But that's even more reason for me to blatantly flout this fashion law. Deal with my panty lines or stop looking at my ass!
P.S. If any of you have a real solution to this problem, I'm willing to hear it.
I was watching one of those stupid countdown shows on VH1 or E! or someplace where fashion-magazine editors go to spew sound bites. They were counting down the top 25 fashion faux pas. Visible panty lines were number 1!! Worse than camel toe or orange fake tans or daisy dukes or anything else they could come up with. Honestly, I just don't get it.
My main problem with panty line kerfuffle is this: How the hell do you avoid them? I mean aside from wearing winter weight clothes all the time. Is there some secret that was not passed on to me? I grew up in a house full of boys, and my mother had a lot on her mind. Did she forget to tell me this one? 'Cause the main remedy I hear is "wear a thong" and I'm here to tell you: That AIN'T gonna happen. I wear the uncomfortable high heels and the poke-y bra and the binding formal wear, but I will NOT subject myself to an all-day wedgie just so others don't have to be horrified by the evidence that I have underwear on. (Wouldn't they be more taken aback by the opposite possibility?) Also, I can tell you from first-hand observation (what! I was walking up the stairs behind her!) that thongs can also give you a panty line.
Meanwhile, no underwear I've ever worn, no matter what the maker's claim, is capable of not giving you that little ridge. Panty lines may be the result of the way the pants or skirt fits, but it's hard enough just to find ones that don't make me look misshapen. Having to pay attention to panty lines would throw that delicate equation completely OFF.
There's always the possiblity that it's my butt that is designed poorly and causing perfectly made underwear to function improperly. But that's even more reason for me to blatantly flout this fashion law. Deal with my panty lines or stop looking at my ass!
P.S. If any of you have a real solution to this problem, I'm willing to hear it.
That's What I Say
Suspiciously Pleased is immortalizing the mottos of her friends here. I've made a small contribution.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Dude, I KNOW
I can feel you all out there, waiting for a new post. You really shouldn't rely on me in this way. I'm not very dependable, when it comes to my blog. I wish I were. Don't judge me.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
S.D. Redux: Wedding Bugaloo
This dress probably looked better earlier in the day, but this is when I got around to my photo opportunity.
It was probably after that George Strait song, when everybody crowded the dance floor and sang along:
I love that song! It was also after I danced with the groom to Johnny Cash's "Big River." Awesome. Here's the big G with niece Bridget. She was following the bride around as though she was Barbie come to life. So cute!
She is a lovely bride. Maybe Bridget's onto something.
Farm equipment was called into play to haul the wedding party around town.
At the dance, Jerry and Tony here offered testimonials advocating a cooking device called the Big Green Egg and explained the best way to capture a snapping turtle without getting bit. I love those guys!
Brothers danced with their wives: Aww.
Cool skirt action, Sue.
Lib was wearing her son's shoes 'cause they were more comfortable. How is he that big already!?
Those boys are dancin' fools. There were also touching speeches, standing around the parking lot drinking beer, a great band, good stories, and catching up with folks. All in all, the quintessential Howard experience.
It was probably after that George Strait song, when everybody crowded the dance floor and sang along:
They call me the fireman
That's my name
Makin' my rounds all over town
Puttin' out old flames
I love that song! It was also after I danced with the groom to Johnny Cash's "Big River." Awesome. Here's the big G with niece Bridget. She was following the bride around as though she was Barbie come to life. So cute!
She is a lovely bride. Maybe Bridget's onto something.
Farm equipment was called into play to haul the wedding party around town.
At the dance, Jerry and Tony here offered testimonials advocating a cooking device called the Big Green Egg and explained the best way to capture a snapping turtle without getting bit. I love those guys!
Brothers danced with their wives: Aww.
Cool skirt action, Sue.
Lib was wearing her son's shoes 'cause they were more comfortable. How is he that big already!?
Those boys are dancin' fools. There were also touching speeches, standing around the parking lot drinking beer, a great band, good stories, and catching up with folks. All in all, the quintessential Howard experience.
Back to Regular Programming
We got 'em all hitched up and stuff. Now if I could get about 24 hours of sleep...
Congratulations, you crazy kids. I'll post more soon.
Congratulations, you crazy kids. I'll post more soon.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
SoDak, Day III
A week ago today, I went for a lovely drive with Dad. We had to deliver some minerals to the pastured cattle.
The mamas and their kids were looking happy. Quite the bucolic scene.
S.D. is all shades of green just now. The grass, she waves. And a drive with Dad is always entertaining; there's a story for every quarter of land.
The mamas and their kids were looking happy. Quite the bucolic scene.
S.D. is all shades of green just now. The grass, she waves. And a drive with Dad is always entertaining; there's a story for every quarter of land.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Blog Tag
Lollie has issued a challenge of sorts, to which I am apparently honor-bound to respond. Like Jinx.
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the #1 spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the #5 slot, like so:
1) You da Mom
2) Worker Mommy
3) Whiskeymarie
4) Lollie
5) Sassmaster
Next, select five people to answer the following questions on their own blog. I tag these: Mully, Boomer, Night Editor, Suspiciously Pleased, Hybrid Fat-N-Sassy
(Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. No pressure.)
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was getting ready to go to Spain and Morocco with Dad, which was super cool. I was still working at the U of M in the Department of Surgery, recovering from my job at the environmental organization. Those damn nonprofits are killers.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was hanging in S.D. with a good friend from high school. The talk was all about Vince Vaughn and Sean Penn, who were about to arrive in the area to film part of a movie.
Five snacks you enjoy:
I think the better question is what snacks don't I enjoy.
1) Cheetos or anything else that is crispy, salty, cheesy, and bright orange.
2) Peanut butter, especially with banana slices on toast
3) Candy corn and dry roasted peanuts mixed together
4) Chicken wings
5) Hummus and chips
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1) Several Lynyrd Skynyrd songs
2) King of the Road (Roger Miller)
3) Brandy, You're a Fine Girl (Looking Glass)
4) Luckenbach, Texas (Waylon Jennings)
5) Femme Fatale (Velvet Underground)
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Buy a cute little house that didn't need any immediate work done
2) Go on vacation for a month
3) Relieve some friends of their debt
4) Fully fund my retirement account
5) Buy some super nice clothes
Five bad habits:
1) Not telling friends what's bugging me and letting it come out passive aggressively
2) Letting the litter box go waaaay too long without attention
3) Being a Ms. Critical McJudgersons
4) Not letting people in or asking for help when I need it
5) Living in squalor
Five things you like doing:
1) Singing
2) Making people laugh
3) Gardening
4) Riding my bike and listening to funky music on my headphones
5) Canoeing (on calm water)
Five things you would never wear again:
1) My Gunne Sax inpired prom dress
2) The eyeglasses with the giant lenses
3) Polo shirts
4) That green dress I made to wear at Janet and Grace's wedding
5) Pleated-in-the-front pants
Five favorite toys:
1) Laptop
2) My margarita shaker
3) mc-sassmaster.blogspot.com
4) My bike
5) CD player
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the #1 spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the #5 slot, like so:
1) You da Mom
2) Worker Mommy
3) Whiskeymarie
4) Lollie
5) Sassmaster
Next, select five people to answer the following questions on their own blog. I tag these: Mully, Boomer, Night Editor, Suspiciously Pleased, Hybrid Fat-N-Sassy
(Do it if you want. Don't if you don't. No pressure.)
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was getting ready to go to Spain and Morocco with Dad, which was super cool. I was still working at the U of M in the Department of Surgery, recovering from my job at the environmental organization. Those damn nonprofits are killers.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was hanging in S.D. with a good friend from high school. The talk was all about Vince Vaughn and Sean Penn, who were about to arrive in the area to film part of a movie.
Five snacks you enjoy:
I think the better question is what snacks don't I enjoy.
1) Cheetos or anything else that is crispy, salty, cheesy, and bright orange.
2) Peanut butter, especially with banana slices on toast
3) Candy corn and dry roasted peanuts mixed together
4) Chicken wings
5) Hummus and chips
Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1) Several Lynyrd Skynyrd songs
2) King of the Road (Roger Miller)
3) Brandy, You're a Fine Girl (Looking Glass)
4) Luckenbach, Texas (Waylon Jennings)
5) Femme Fatale (Velvet Underground)
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Buy a cute little house that didn't need any immediate work done
2) Go on vacation for a month
3) Relieve some friends of their debt
4) Fully fund my retirement account
5) Buy some super nice clothes
Five bad habits:
1) Not telling friends what's bugging me and letting it come out passive aggressively
2) Letting the litter box go waaaay too long without attention
3) Being a Ms. Critical McJudgersons
4) Not letting people in or asking for help when I need it
5) Living in squalor
Five things you like doing:
1) Singing
2) Making people laugh
3) Gardening
4) Riding my bike and listening to funky music on my headphones
5) Canoeing (on calm water)
Five things you would never wear again:
1) My Gunne Sax inpired prom dress
2) The eyeglasses with the giant lenses
3) Polo shirts
4) That green dress I made to wear at Janet and Grace's wedding
5) Pleated-in-the-front pants
Five favorite toys:
1) Laptop
2) My margarita shaker
3) mc-sassmaster.blogspot.com
4) My bike
5) CD player
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
SoDak, Day II
We can wedding shower with the pros, y'all. My sisters-in-law are all over it like white on rice. Becky hosted in her lovely house, and Susan worked some culinary magic. Her centerpiece was crab salad served in a martini glass with olives on a toothpick and shrimp garnish. Please note the seasoned salt around the rim. Genius!
Later on, we hit the road, blithely flouting the open container laws but with designated driver behind the wheel (Thanks Michelle!). Rowdiness and erotic baked goods ensued. That's the bride in white and tiara.
The evening took its toll. The ride back was a little quieter.
It revived briefly when we converged with the bachelors. Bickett here is just one of a crowd of storytelling farmers produced by Winfred, S.D. They are charmers; resistance is futile.
Don't Fear the Creature
Did anyone see Creature Comforts on CBS last night? It's based on the Nick Park deal. I feared the worst but they pretty much won me over. It's fairly true to the original, even without the British accents. I loved the bees and the two green birds.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Blog In, Blog Out
Our beloved Drama Mater has gone dark, and I miss it already. cK, I hope we'll get to read you again soon. But on his way out, he's tagged Hybrid Fat-N-Sassy who is a delight on line and in person. Dig her scene!
SoDak, Day I
It was a jam-packed good time in S.D., starting the minute I walked in the door. Master Tom and family came in to share his birthday cake and ice cream with Grandpa and Aunt Mary. What an honor! Here's the birthday boy: 
Even more adorable in person, I assure you. His dad knows:
He's givin' a shout-out to his Paw-Paw in Indiana, who he knows reads Aunt Mary's blog. See you in two weeks Paw-Paw!
I ran across this vignette at Tom's house. His stroller doubles as transport for the bottles, when his mom is also caring for the calves. It's been raining like mad and everthing is muddy, so cute boots come in handy.
Dad and I had a nice dinner out (steak, naturally) before the next day's hardcore partying.
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