Nutty Love or How I Married a Condiment: The Mully Story

It's the oldest story in the world: Girl meets nut butter. Girl falls in love with nut butter. Girl drags her friends to South Dakota to participate in marriage to nut butter, drink.

The perfor.. er, festivities began the night before with the bachlorette party. Here's the bride with her sister, who is special:

We consumed much Sunbutter (the groom), and the bride, who's totally got a thing going on the side with tequila, made up a new drink by combining Jose Cuervo with champagne. The b. pronounced it "peppery" (it IS kinda cool, you should try it), and it came to be known as the Peppery Bitch. She will now be ordering it in every bar she goes to, because she is all about viral marketing.

On the drive across the state, we stopped in Wall so the bride and her maid of honor could strike sexy poses with fiberglass animals. That's how we roll in the S.D.:

For those of you who are unfamiliar with S.D. wildlife, that is a jackelope -- cross between a jackrabbit and an antelope. There were taxidermied jackelope heads on sale for a mere $69.99. Because on a S.D. vacation, you don't just visit another state. You visit an alternate reality. Woo!

You can also see a recreation of the poker game in which Wild Bill Hickock got hisself shot, complete with creepy mannequins:

But we did FINALLY reach Hermosa and held the blessed event. Here's the bride getting her hair done in the cowboy room by her maid of honor:

The groom's family was seated first. I thought they had a disapproving air:

The cowboy preacher, his beer, and his cigarette were in place along with the groom.

The flower girl exuberantly flung fragrant buds everywhere:

And the maid of honor and best man danced their way down the aisle:

At last, the bride walked the aisle to the tune of Glen Campbell's "Sunflower." Isn't she ravishing?

She clearly thinks so! The preacher got on with the service, which included some cowboy poetry on the subject of love. The congregation responded with resounding "Yipee-ty-yi-yays!"

Some people thought they could detect a telling bulge in the bride's abdomen, and speculated that this might be a shotgun wedding. But she was drinking like a fish, so we hope the rumors are untrue!

The bride's sister, Suspiciously Pleased, sang Annie's Song, accompanied by the best man, and then performed an interpretive dance. The congregants were visibly moved.

At this point, my camera battery died, which often happens while spending a few days with people who insist that you immortalize their every move on film. Perhaps Boomer can forward the photo of the bride and groom kissing. Our story hardly feels finished without it.